Late Life Divorce & Its Impact on Adult Children

What Is Gray Divorce?

Gray divorce, also referred to as late-life divorce, refers to the rising trend of couples divorcing after the age of 50, often after decades of marriage. This phenomenon has significant social and financial implications.

Experts attribute this rise to several factors. Increased life expectancy allows couples to re-evaluate their happiness later in life. Financial independence for women, along with evolving social norms around divorce, empowers them to seek fulfillment outside an unhappy marriage. Also, with children grown and leaving the nest, some couples find themselves facing a marital landscape that no longer suits their needs.

Effects of Late-Life Divorce on Adult Children

While gray divorce, or the dissolution of marriages later in life, may seem to impact the divorcing couple primarily, it can also significantly affect adult children. These children, often established in their own lives, may find themselves navigating a complex web of emotions and altered family dynamics.

Some of the effects of gray divorce on adult children include:

• Grief and loss. Adult children may experience a sense of grief over the loss of the family unit they knew, even if the marriage wasn't ideal.
• Shifting family dynamics. Holiday traditions, family gatherings, and roles within the family structure may need to be renegotiated. Adult children may feel like they have to choose sides or like they do not know how to redefine their parent’s roles post-divorce.
• Financial concerns. Depending on the financial situation of their parents, adult children may worry about the impact of the divorce on their inheritance or their own ability to support aging parents. With younger adult children, they may worry about losing financial support.
• Caregiver responsibilities. The divorce may place additional stress on adult children as they navigate potential new caregiving needs for one or both parents.
• Relationship doubts. Witnessing the dissolution of their parents' long-term relationship may lead adult children to question the viability of their own relationships.
• Role reversal. In some cases, adult children may find themselves taking on a more parental role towards their own parents, offering guidance and support.

While the effects can be challenging, open communication and a focus on maintaining healthy relationships with both parents can help adult children navigate this transition.

How to Adult Children Can Cope with Parental Late-Life Divorce

Parents can help to mitigate the pain and effects of their late-life divorce in the following ways:

• Make adult children’s events about them, not you. Even though your life is in flux, your adult children's milestones and celebrations should remain about them. This could mean adjusting traditions for birthdays, graduations, or holidays. Perhaps you alternate hosting or create new traditions for each set of parents and children. The key is to ensure they feel celebrated and supported, regardless of the family structure.
• Nurture your relationship. Your relationship with your children doesn't end with the divorce. Make a conscious effort to nurture your bond with each child. Plan individual activities, listen actively when they need to talk, and offer support without judgment. Let them know they can come to you for anything, even if it's just to vent.
• Imagine the future when things are challenging. Divorce is a process, and there will be bumps along the road. Imagine potential difficulties in advance. Will holidays be awkward? How will you handle extended family interactions? Talking these things through with your children openly fosters a sense of security and allows you to navigate challenges together.
• Engage in open family dialogues. Create a safe space for open and honest communication. Encourage your children to express their feelings, frustrations, or anxieties. Actively listen without interrupting or trying to fix things. Validate their emotions and let them know it's okay not to be okay.

Issues for Couples Involved in a Late-Life Divorce

When divorcing later in life, there are specific issues that must be considered carefully, such as income, retirement planning, health insurance, social security, and more. Learn more in The Guide to Divorce After 50, or contact our firm to seek legal advice for your situation. McKinley Irvin attorneys are experienced in dealing with the financial issues that are critical to address in a later-in-life divorce.