At What Age Can a Child Choose Where to Live?

At What Age Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?

Unlike adults, who have the freedom to choose their living arrangements at the age of 18, minors do not have an explicit choice. The decision regarding a minor’s custody is ultimately determined by the court, which considers various factors to ensure the child's best interests are met.

Children Can Still Express Their Preference

In custody cases involving minors, the court may consider the child's preferences, particularly if the child is mature enough to articulate a reasoned opinion. While there is no specific age at which a child’s preference becomes a determining factor, judges typically consider the child's maturity and reasoning abilities.

Generally, older children and teenagers are more likely to have their preferences given weight during custody deliberations. However, it is important to note that the court will give more weight and consideration to the reason for the child’s preference. For instance, the court will more seriously consider the wishes of a child who wants to live with a parent because they provide a stable environment and spend a lot of time together already than the desire to live with a parent who gives expensive gifts.

Also, these preferences are just one of many factors the court evaluates, including (but not limited to):

• the stability of each parent’s home,
• the child’s relationship with each parent, and
• the overall well-being of the child.

The primary aim of the court is to ensure that any custody arrangement serves the best interest of the child, encompassing both their emotional and physical needs. Therefore, while a child’s wishes may influence the court’s decision, they do not solely dictate the outcome.

Children are protected and are not typically asked to share their opinion in court. The judge will interview the child and allow them to share their preference without seemingly having to choose sides during the trial.

Children Cannot Refuse Visitation

It is important to note that once you have a legally binding custody agreement, you and your child must adhere to the schedule that was set forth—even if your child doesn’t want to do visitation or custody exchanges. Refusing to adhere to court orders can lead to enforcement actions.

Whether this failure involves being consistently late to drop-offs, canceling mandated visitation without notice or explanation, or refusing to engage in exchange, the other parent can file a motion to find you in contempt of court or to enforce the existing court order. Enforcement of orders can mean modifying the custodial arrangement or issuing penalties to the offending parent.

If your child is struggling and doesn’t want to go to mom’s or dad’s, you can help the transition by doing the following:

• Work to make both houses feel like home. Encourage the other parent to create a warm and familiar environment for your child. Pack a comfort item or favorite outfit for them to bring. In your own home, maintain routines and traditions that provide a sense of security.
• Speak positively about the exchange and the other parent. Focus on the excitement of spending time with the other parent. Talk about fun activities they might do together. Avoid negativity or criticism towards the other parent in front of your child.
• Respect boundaries. Avoid forcing goodbyes or dramatic displays of affection. Let your child know it's okay to have mixed feelings.
• Maintain communication. Keep the other parent informed of any concerns your child expresses, and work together to create a positive environment in both homes.
• Make them go. While making transitions easier is a priority, enforcing court-ordered visitation remains essential for a child's well-being.

If your child continues to have significant resistance, consider digging deeper and asking what makes them resistant to going with your co-parent. You might also consider seeking professional guidance to address any underlying issues. If you believe there are significant reasons to alter your child’s custody schedule, you can consult your attorney about filing a parenting plan modification.

Consult Our Child Custody Attorneys

If you need help with a child custody issue, McKinley Irvin attorneys are highly experienced in complex custody matters in Washington and Oregon. Contact us if you would like to discuss your case.