How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation

A Brief Overview: What Is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation is a cooperative process where separating couples work with a neutral third party, called a mediator, to negotiate the terms of their divorce. In Washington State, mediation can be a cost-effective and less adversarial alternative to traditional litigation, allowing couples to maintain more control over the outcome of their separation.

Typically, mediation sessions in Washington progress through several stages. The process often begins with an introductory meeting, during which the mediator explains the process and sets ground rules. Subsequent sessions focus on identifying issues, gathering information, and negotiating agreements on matters such as property division, child custody, and spousal support.

The mediator facilitates discussions, helps the couple communicate effectively, and explores mutually beneficial solutions. Once an agreement is reached, the mediator may draft a memorandum of understanding, which each party's attorney reviews before it is submitted to the court for approval.

Preparing for divorce mediation is a crucial step in ensuring a productive and efficient process. So, how do you prepare for these sessions?

Divorce Mediation Checklist: What to Bring

Besides knowing what you will discuss and how sessions will be conducted, in determining how to prepare for divorce mediation, consider the following list of items you will need for your mediation sessions:

Contact information for key individuals: Include phone numbers and email addresses for important people involved in your divorce process. This should include your attorney (if you have one), close family members, and trusted friends who may provide support or input during the mediation. Having this information readily available can be helpful if you need to consult with someone or if the mediator requires additional contacts.

Calendar for scheduling: Bring a comprehensive calendar that shows your availability for future sessions and important dates. This will help efficiently schedule follow-up meetings and deadlines. Your calendar should also include any upcoming events or commitments that might affect the divorce proceedings or settlement discussions.

Relevant court documents: Gather all pertinent legal documents related to your divorce, including the divorce petition, any temporary orders, and financial disclosures. These documents provide a foundation for discussions and ensure that all parties are working with the same information. Having these on hand can help clarify any questions that arise during the mediation process.

Evidence and supporting information: Compile relevant evidence and supporting documents substantiating your position during negotiations. While the goal of mediation is cooperation, it's important to have factual information to back up your suggested terms. This might include financial records, property appraisals, or documentation of childcare responsibilities. For example, if you're seeking primary custody of your children, you might bring calendars or logs showing your involvement in their daily care and activities. Having this information readily available can help you present your case more effectively and potentially lead to fairer outcomes.

List of important topics and negotiating points: Prepare a comprehensive list of issues you want to address during mediation, along with your priorities and potential compromises. This might include matters related to property division, child custody, spousal support, or any other concerns specific to your situation. This list will help you stay focused during discussions and ensure that all important points are covered.

A sound body and mind: While these are not tangible items, it is important to come to mediation well-rested and in a good mental state. Get enough sleep the night before, eat a nutritious meal, and consider engaging in stress-reducing activities like exercise or meditation. Being in a good physical and mental state will help you think clearly and communicate effectively during the mediation process.

A good mindset: Approach mediation with an open and cooperative mindset. Be prepared to listen, compromise, and work towards mutually beneficial solutions.

Gathering the necessary documents and information beforehand allows you to enter mediation sessions feeling organized and confident. This preparation allows you to focus on the important discussions at hand rather than scrambling for information.

Bonus Tips for Having a Successful Mediation

Consider these additional tips as you begin mediation:

Be sure to discuss payment with the mediator before you retain them.

Before committing to a mediator, have a clear conversation about their fee structure and payment expectations. Understanding the costs involved, including any potential additional fees for document preparation or extended sessions, will help you budget effectively and avoid financial surprises. You will also know whether you need to bring or submit payment before your first session.

Focus on where you agree and where there are win-win opportunities.

Identify areas of agreement early in the mediation process and use these as building blocks for further negotiations. By focusing on shared goals and mutual benefits, you can often find creative solutions that satisfy both parties' needs.

Ask for a memorandum of understanding.

At the conclusion of your mediation sessions, request a memorandum of understanding from your mediator. This document summarizes the agreements reached during mediation and can serve as a blueprint for your final divorce settlement. Having this written record helps ensure that all parties are on the same page and can prevent misunderstandings later in the process.

Understand that preparation doesn't negate potential pain.

Recognize that no amount of preparation can completely eliminate the emotional challenges of divorce. Getting divorced is inherently difficult, and making concessions can be painful even when you're well-prepared. Remember that it's normal to experience hard moments and conflicting emotions throughout this process.

Consider your future.

When negotiating terms, think beyond your immediate circumstances and consider how the agreement will affect you in the years to come. Ensure that the terms are fair not just for your current situation but also for your future needs and goals. This might involve considering factors like career changes, retirement plans, or future family commitments when discussing financial settlements or custody arrangements.

Keep frustration to yourself.

During mediation sessions, strive to maintain a calm and professional demeanor, even when you feel frustrated. Instead of letting negative emotions derail negotiations, find healthy outlets for these feelings outside of the mediation room. Vent to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide support without influencing the mediation process. By managing your emotions effectively, you can maintain a more productive atmosphere during negotiations and potentially achieve better outcomes.

Reach Out to Our Firm

Several attorneys at McKinley Irvin are experienced family law mediators who have assisted in many divorce mediations. Our attorneys are also highly experienced in guiding clients through the mediation process as legal counsel for divorce, custody, and other family law matters. If you are facing a family law matter and are considering family law mediation, contact us to discuss.